2025 and 2026 everything megapost
Jan. 12th, 2026 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lihimhappy 2026! that means it’s time for my yearly tradition of publishing my ins and outs list. Iʼm a really big fan of ins and outs lists, Iʼve been doing them for a few years now. I like lists and taking note of things, in general. I have: last.fm, storygraph, letterboxd, backloggd, listography, and trello accounts. I might be neurotic. that’s a separate problem. I decided to expand and write a 2025-2026 little bit of everything mega-post. it’s very long. I kept writing and writing and writing and it just snowballed in size. I don’t know how to fix it or be more concise.
this year I:
bunch of nonspecific things I did:
I started a notes app cry counter and analysis document last year. it was okay for a while, but I lost track sometime around June because I started to cry multiple times almost every single day until I would pass out from being exhausted. so my data is partial and incomplete.
I documented 29 times I cried
standouts:
some notes for my 2026 cry counter
I donʼt like publicly shared ins and outs lists because I see other people get very weird and righteous and territorial about it lol. the ins and outs lists I like are the ones my friends share, because I can tell that their bullet points are veryyy specifically about their lives. Sydney saying ‘crying in your car Mark from Severance styleʼ is a 2026 out is funny because it has a lot of background context, and also I cry a lot in public so itʼs relatable to me. I needed that reminder. a random Xwitter user saying ‘matchaʼ is a 2026 out is annoying and generated for algorithmic virality, even though itʼs also relatable to me because I want to drink less matcha and try more ube-based drinks. BUT I saw a public one list ‘activated charcoalʼ as a 2026 out. I will not be publicly documenting my reaction to that.
outs
I mostly avoid making jokes about killing myself or my mental health in general. it feels gauche and excessive. but maybe thatʼs just my skill issue. I know a lot of people who can make suicide jokes really funny even if (or because?) it sounds immaturely edgy. but the line between being self-effacing and self- flagellating is really like ridiculously thin and I donʼt know how to navigate it, so most of the time I end up making people worry over my “humor”. over the past few weeks Iʼve caught myself talking to my friends like “letʼs lowkirksixsevenuinely just kill ourselves” which mighttt be funny, BUT I really need to stop saying things like that because whenever I do it feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy!!! language is very powerful, especially my internal monologue, and the way I speak to myself affects me a lot. I learned that from big girl therapy :) also I donʼt want any of my friends to be implicated when it happens.
another general rule of thumb for me is I (try my best) not to publish anything I write when Iʼm physically/mentally unwell. unfortunately I have been nothing if not severely mentally ill for the past several months, and also my physical health has been continuously deteriorating because of my, as yet, ambiguously undiagnosed and untreated affliction of the autoimmune (my AY-AUaUAoA). Iʼve been writing a lot though! I think Iʼve been getting a lot of good stuff out. my very publicly documented descent into psychosis for the latter half of 2025 has been nice material to work with. now my problem is everything I write reads like either a last will and testament or a murder-suicide manifesto. and I think a lot of people still feel nervous around me, but I might be thinking about myself too much.
ins
annual ins and outs lists are really fun and I get to see myself grow a little more each year. brow threading was actually a 2025 out! but, and this sounds counterintuitive, letting my eyebrows grow out made them look even thinner and sparser than when I used to get them groomed. so it’s a 2026 in. wearing more blush was a 2025 in, and I enjoyed it for a while, I really did, but I’m moving on to other things. it’s run its course or whatever.
this year I’m introducing a new ambiguous category. for things that I’m not sure are ins or outs yet for 2026, so I’ll try them out and decide on the verdict at a later date. probably on my designated midyear check-up on things.
ambiguous
keeping my resolutions nonspecific, as I have for a while now. I prefer it that way because it helps me feel less pressured and more content as long as I am making reasonable progress.
resolutions
concrete goals
my Substack started as an inside joke more or less. I was losing regular contact with a lot of my friends because of how busy I’ve been with life in general, and I told Linda (I think), as a joke, that I should just start a monthly newsletter so that everybody could stay updated on my life without me having to repeat storytelling to my Different Social Circles. I honestly meant it as a joke but a lot of them were like yes you should do it in earnest!!! and not only do I enjoy writing and navelgazing, I am also a people-pleaser, which has gotten me here. I enjoy writing! it’s one of the last few things that feel really and truly mine. but I realized that being candid in publicly indexable websites is not good for future employability, so I blew everything up and am now moving to Dreamwidth.
thanks to my dear friends who kept egging me on on my writing. thanks also to Ally, Aly (two different people), Sab, Jaime, Maya, and Grey for giving me very specific compliments about what and how I write, and especially for following me through all my different social medias because I can’t make up my mind about my digital footprint :) above everything else, I don’t want to be pitied, looked down on, or offered help, whenever I am upfront about how difficult it is to live most of the time. it feels like I’m being punished every time the (well-intentioned) people in my life do that. so thank you, to those who know me the most, for understanding that about me.
as much as I prepare ahead, I don't think I'll ever be "ready" for anything life will throw at me, so I try not to hold back when it comes to doing things. of course, I am always grateful for each new year and birthday I get to celebrate, but at this point it also comes with a little surprise that I am still here. but life is so beautiful and I am surrounded by love even in trying times! to see it all I need to stop looking down and start looking ahead. let’s all have a prosperous and eventful 2026!
please know that, once again, this was an absolute nightmare to format. good warm-up on html otherwise.
2025 wrapped
wrapped of assorted things that happened this year
this year I:
- broke up with my boyfriend and got back with him
- got organized in the teacher’s union
- became more involved in political and organizing work
- passed calc 2 in one take which I seriously thought I was going to fail lol
- experienced basic masses integration: nakipamuhay sa mga magsasaka at mangingisda, mga pangunahing pwersa ng lipunan
- had surgery on my grape
- 6a. minor toe surgery
- 6b. various biopsies
- had an MRI for the first time in my life and they found a cyst in my brain
- lost a lot of weight in a bad way
- started DBT and stopped because I got too busy :(
- broke up with my boyfriend for good
- at one point, had all of the following people on speed dial: three different counselors, two psychiatrists, and a legal team including but not limited to a lawyer and a medico-legal assistant
- went to Merlinda Bobis’s book launch
- became a more devoted Catholic
- had crushes on twinks (there were four of them at one point)
- turned 23 :)
- smoked with the frontman of Oh Flamingo! I’ve been a fan since I was 15
- 18.1. started smoking more, in general
- 18.1a. developed substance abuse issues, in general
- gradually and very publicly spiraled into psychosis for the latter half of 2025 which culminated in me trying to kill myself again -__-
- accidentally derailed my entire life. oops _(:3」∠)_
- lost my grandmother, which destabilized me for a very long time
- fail two major math courses, delaying my graduation by two more semesters
- survived but like I haven’t been right in the head for a while because of it lol
bunch of nonspecific things I did:
- reached out more (texted/called first, initiated scheduling hangouts n stuff)
- took care of people, oftentimes more than I took care of myself
- - during like August to November it felt like basically everyone was down with the flu, which was very stressful tbh
- spent more time alone
- became more intentional with the friendships and relationships I’ve been cultivating with my life
- went to more events
- - flea markets, gigs/music shows, art trades, school plays
- went to a lot of new places
- - off the top of my head: Tarlac, Aurora, Pampanga, Rizal, Batangas, parts of Laguna I’ve never been to…
- studied very very hard and actually had a lot of good things to show for all my efforts in school
- asserted my independence a lot more
- mass led in rallies, spoke in front of big crowds more
- helped or otherwise spearheaded in organizing a lot of events this year incl. but not limited to: forums, alum homecoming party, a press conference
- - consequently, discovered I have a type A personality/work ethic
KPI: cry counter
I started a notes app cry counter and analysis document last year. it was okay for a while, but I lost track sometime around June because I started to cry multiple times almost every single day until I would pass out from being exhausted. so my data is partial and incomplete.
I documented 29 times I cried
standouts:
- January 7: first mental breakdown of the year
- January 27: first cry in public of the year
- March 29: most severe cry of the year. I was screaming into my pillow and punching walls ahaaa damn that’s crazy
- July and November: months where I cried the most
- July: it was a terrible month for my physical health
- November: I think it was because my life was falling apart here
some notes for my 2026 cry counter
- implement new metrics:
- severity of crying: I need to differentiate between sobbing and having a hysterical breakdown.
- quantitatively rating every time I cried: did I cry for a good or bad reason, was it just my usual emotional catharsis style of crying, etc.
- use a table/spreadsheet format:
- list type was pretty messy to work with, but I’m giving myself some grace because I consider my 2025 cry counter as a test run.
2026 prophesying
ins and outs list
I donʼt like publicly shared ins and outs lists because I see other people get very weird and righteous and territorial about it lol. the ins and outs lists I like are the ones my friends share, because I can tell that their bullet points are veryyy specifically about their lives. Sydney saying ‘crying in your car Mark from Severance styleʼ is a 2026 out is funny because it has a lot of background context, and also I cry a lot in public so itʼs relatable to me. I needed that reminder. a random Xwitter user saying ‘matchaʼ is a 2026 out is annoying and generated for algorithmic virality, even though itʼs also relatable to me because I want to drink less matcha and try more ube-based drinks. BUT I saw a public one list ‘activated charcoalʼ as a 2026 out. I will not be publicly documenting my reaction to that.
outs
- activated charcoal
- matcha-based drinks
- last.fm, storygraph, letterboxd, backloggd, listography, trello, All Of It
- metaphors on love utilizing: cannibalism; pomegranates, oranges, and apples; Greek mythology especially Orpheus and Eurydice; cats, seals, capybaras
- organized religion FOREVER
- Meta-owned SNS incl. but not limited to Facebook and Instagram
- blush-heavy makeup
- stationery, Japan UGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- - Pilot Acroballs
- - Zebra Sarasa
- taking pictures all the time
- total abstinence as an approach to Getting Well (whatever that means)
- suicide jokes
I mostly avoid making jokes about killing myself or my mental health in general. it feels gauche and excessive. but maybe thatʼs just my skill issue. I know a lot of people who can make suicide jokes really funny even if (or because?) it sounds immaturely edgy. but the line between being self-effacing and self- flagellating is really like ridiculously thin and I donʼt know how to navigate it, so most of the time I end up making people worry over my “humor”. over the past few weeks Iʼve caught myself talking to my friends like “letʼs lowkirksixsevenuinely just kill ourselves” which mighttt be funny, BUT I really need to stop saying things like that because whenever I do it feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy!!! language is very powerful, especially my internal monologue, and the way I speak to myself affects me a lot. I learned that from big girl therapy :) also I donʼt want any of my friends to be implicated when it happens.
another general rule of thumb for me is I (try my best) not to publish anything I write when Iʼm physically/mentally unwell. unfortunately I have been nothing if not severely mentally ill for the past several months, and also my physical health has been continuously deteriorating because of my, as yet, ambiguously undiagnosed and untreated affliction of the autoimmune (my AY-AUaUAoA). Iʼve been writing a lot though! I think Iʼve been getting a lot of good stuff out. my very publicly documented descent into psychosis for the latter half of 2025 has been nice material to work with. now my problem is everything I write reads like either a last will and testament or a murder-suicide manifesto. and I think a lot of people still feel nervous around me, but I might be thinking about myself too much.
ins
- emailing
- compartmentalizing
- longform blogging
- ube-based drinks
- clothes, jewelry, makeup: pearl jewelry; straight leg jeans, professional work slacks, more white tops; lip liner + gloss combo, brow threading
- midwest emo
- horses
- Mitsubishi Uni ballpoint/rollerball pens
- harm reduction to help myself Get Well (whatever that means)
annual ins and outs lists are really fun and I get to see myself grow a little more each year. brow threading was actually a 2025 out! but, and this sounds counterintuitive, letting my eyebrows grow out made them look even thinner and sparser than when I used to get them groomed. so it’s a 2026 in. wearing more blush was a 2025 in, and I enjoyed it for a while, I really did, but I’m moving on to other things. it’s run its course or whatever.
this year I’m introducing a new ambiguous category. for things that I’m not sure are ins or outs yet for 2026, so I’ll try them out and decide on the verdict at a later date. probably on my designated midyear check-up on things.
ambiguous
- iMessaging
- crying in public (?)
- Clinique Black Honey… too expensive to keep up for daily wear
- baggy jeans, flared bell bottom jeans
- e-readers
- Formula 1
- gacha gambling
- - Love and Freakspace
- digital cameras
- onion rings
goalsetting
keeping my resolutions nonspecific, as I have for a while now. I prefer it that way because it helps me feel less pressured and more content as long as I am making reasonable progress.
resolutions
- read more, as usual
- write more, as usual
- start drawing again
- watch more movies. once a month, at least…
- become even more fit by being intentional with physical activity
- - like maybe jogging or I can use my building’s gym, which is free for tenants
concrete goals
- read (AND FINISH):
- a. Normal People by Sally Rooney
- b. All About Love by bell hooks
- grind my FFXIV account
- start tracking my dreams, in writing
- either buy a bike or get my driver’s license this year
- makipamuhay sa uring manggagawa, hukbong mapagpalaya
- work towards a relatively functional degree of sobriety by my birthday
- stop eavesdropping in public
- stop smoking with people younger than me (not necessarily age-wise. like just vibes-wise)
- this is a concrete goal which I don’t have complete control over but I’m putting it here anyway: hear back from the job I was casted for which I’m keeping vague on purpose because I don’t want to jinx myself or whatever but just know that I’ve been praying so hard for this I’m like throwing up and screaming and crying trying to manifest this please God let me get this one job PLEASE
- work in Mindanao
- pass all my three-digit course code math subjects within the year. please I need this so bad
- submit my essay Birthright to the Philippine Collegian
- delete my X account
thoughts and thanks
my Substack started as an inside joke more or less. I was losing regular contact with a lot of my friends because of how busy I’ve been with life in general, and I told Linda (I think), as a joke, that I should just start a monthly newsletter so that everybody could stay updated on my life without me having to repeat storytelling to my Different Social Circles. I honestly meant it as a joke but a lot of them were like yes you should do it in earnest!!! and not only do I enjoy writing and navelgazing, I am also a people-pleaser, which has gotten me here. I enjoy writing! it’s one of the last few things that feel really and truly mine. but I realized that being candid in publicly indexable websites is not good for future employability, so I blew everything up and am now moving to Dreamwidth.
thanks to my dear friends who kept egging me on on my writing. thanks also to Ally, Aly (two different people), Sab, Jaime, Maya, and Grey for giving me very specific compliments about what and how I write, and especially for following me through all my different social medias because I can’t make up my mind about my digital footprint :) above everything else, I don’t want to be pitied, looked down on, or offered help, whenever I am upfront about how difficult it is to live most of the time. it feels like I’m being punished every time the (well-intentioned) people in my life do that. so thank you, to those who know me the most, for understanding that about me.
as much as I prepare ahead, I don't think I'll ever be "ready" for anything life will throw at me, so I try not to hold back when it comes to doing things. of course, I am always grateful for each new year and birthday I get to celebrate, but at this point it also comes with a little surprise that I am still here. but life is so beautiful and I am surrounded by love even in trying times! to see it all I need to stop looking down and start looking ahead. let’s all have a prosperous and eventful 2026!
please know that, once again, this was an absolute nightmare to format. good warm-up on html otherwise.
